The Animal Kingdom, Part 3

Travis the chimp I have been giving fair warning for over two years now yet people still haven’t learned. A 200-pound, “pet” chimpanzee attacked and severely mauled a woman today in Stamford, Connecticut. You know you’re in for it when you have a pet that weighs 200 pounds and you can only bench, say, 30 tops.

To me, it’s still not clear who won that battle. The chimp is dead, sure, but not before he bit off both his victim’s hands, completely disfigured her face, got shanked a few times with a butcher knife by his owner, chased a policeman into his cruiser after being stabbed AND took “several” rounds, close-range, from the cop’s firearm. And, if that weren’t enough, the chimp then retreated to his living quarters to die. Brings a whole new meaning to “Live free, die hard."

Similar to my previous Animal Kingdom post, I allocate points as follows:

Travis (the chimp): 1
Sandra Herold (the owner): 1
Charla Nash (the victim): 0.5
Policeman: nil

Jack Bauer has nothing on Travis the chimp. Ms. Herold gets a point for her quick-wittedness and knife work that saved her friend’s life. Ms. Nash gets half a point for surviving the brutal attack. The police officer must have had both eyes closed to fire several rounds close-range and not kill Travis immediately.

All that said, the silliest part of this whole story is the photographer (or Fox editor?) who decided to whiten Travis’ teeth in the photo of him above taken in 2003. Was he auditioning for a Crest Whitestrips commercial?