Episodes in teenage hygiene

I received the following in an email from one of my college buddies today. They are actual exchanges he had with his 14-year-old stepson about personal hygiene. As a father-to-be, I find them quite funny and thought I would share. My favorite: “I soaped myself up and I’m not sure what happened after that.” All you can do is laugh after that.

“Actual Exchanges with My 14-Year-Old Stepson” by G.F.

 

A la Carte

Me: Take a shower, then you can come down and eat.

[ 2 minutes later ]

Me: Yo, your shirt is wet.

Him: Oh man…really?

Me: What happened?

Him: I just came out of the shower.

Me: That quickly?

Him: Yeah. You know the part where you stand under the water? I skipped that part.

Pepe-Le-Pew The Washcloth Fiasco

Me: Did you use her [my oldest daughter’s] washrag?

Him: Probably not.

Me: Probably? Did you or didn’t you?

Him: I don’t know. I soaped myself up and I’m not sure what happened after that.

Body wash?

Me: Did you use a washrag at all?

Him: Nah I just used the Head & Shoulders body wash.

Me: [stumped] OK.

[ Confused, I go to the bathroom ]

Me: Raymon.

Him: Yeah?

Me: What body wash did you use?

Him: That one.

Me: You mean the shampoo?

Him: Oh. I thought it was body wash.

Me: It says shampoo on it, man. (Exhibit A)

Him: Oh. I thought it was body wash.

I don’t think I was ever that bad as a teen. Any parents out there want to attest?

Ghost Riding the Whip

Looking for a way to squeeze further enjoyment from my music collection, I commented to TB we should take up the urban phenomenon known as Ghost Riding. I don’t see many people our age ghostin’ especially in our neighborhood (Kirkland, WA). Further, Couples Ghostin’ could become the new hotness. She, of course, unceremoniously rolled her eyes…her typical reaction when confronted with tomfoolery cum lunacy.

Whether we take out the trusty 626 or her workhorse Altima for our maiden ride is completely up to her. I don’t think she’s down to be a rider either way but maybe I can at least get her to woman the camera so I can join the Ghost Riding ranks on YouTube.

Here is the E-40 video for “Tell Me When to Go” which brought ghost riding mainstream (aka, to the suburbs). The ghostin’ starts with 1:35 remaining in the video.

Considering ghost riding is highly illegal and very dangerous to riders, passers-by and lookers-on, don’t be shocked if you see footage of a thirtysomething Kirkland couple in handcuffs after being apprehended by the police following a ghost riding outing down Central Ave. I can hear the music now: “Ghost ride the whip…Ghost ride the whip…”

All I need is some stunna shades, a dreadlock wig and a platinum grill. Watch out, I am about to get hyphy. “Ghost ride the whip…Ghost ride the whip…”

We need to hurry as local teens are already ghostin’ in Redmond and Bellevue. That article contains the quote of the day:

“The underground beats of Oakland and Stockton are brought to the mean streets of Bellevue.” (emphasis added)

The reporter, Eric Wilkinson, is obviously being sarcastic. Watch the King5.com video. Bellevue is nowhere near becoming the hood. Those teens are ghostin’ in a BMW purchased by one of their parents! Going dumb, indeed.

I am starting a stunna shade collection to help TB and me get accessorized for our ghost riding adventure. If you would like to make a donation, please leave a comment. Those who donate will also be invited to participate in the stunna shade selection process. There are many stunna shade styles to choose from so we really need your help.

The following is my rendition of how our first outing will go:

Keith Ghost Riding the Whip

This is history in the making. “Ghost ride the whip…Ghost ride the whip…”

Things it Takes 50 Years to Learn

This list was sent around at work a week ago. I think a few of them are funny, others poignant, so I am sharing with you:

Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn

  1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
  2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe Daylight Saving Time.
  3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
  5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  6. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
  7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
  9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
  10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
  11. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  12. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.
  13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.