Getting prepared for fatherhood

[This post includes a Baby Stats contest. Remember, you have to play to win.]

Stork and baby The baby countdown has resulted in a new form of March Madness now that we are near the final week.

It is all—ok, more like 99.99999%—excitement for me at this point but there is still a smidgen of fear in the deepest recesses of my brain. I know we will be fine on the things we can control but it is those things we outside our control that give me pause. It certainly has not been all roses for TB during the past couple weeks as the baby’s descent has made it harder for her to sleep and sit. Amazingly, she still doesn’t complain. In fact, she seems to want the baby to stay in there and gets mad at me when I try to coax the kid to come on out. I think she’s just trying to buy more time to decide on names.

Here is an ultrasound picture from week 29 (ten weeks ago!)

20090116_TBaby_04
29 weeks

I initially considered entitling this post “Getting ready for fatherhood” but I am convinced one is never ready. All I can do is work on my skills, gather advice and hope fortune favors the prepared. Once the baby arrives, I want TB to be able to focus on her wellbeing and the baby and not be concerned about anything else.

Keith Football 10In terms of my skills, I know how to take care of myself and my household. There is not a chore I haven’t done—I can thank my mom for that—but I’m a bit rusty on some things like ironing and washing clothes. I also know how to swaddle, change diapers, burp and perform other baby-related grunt and wet work thanks to having a couple much-younger siblings. I will need to be more efficient and tireless. Luckily, when I focus on something I really focus and I have my game face on as far as this baby is concerned. See picture to the right for my game face at age 10. You don’t want to mess with me. (Don’t hate on the ‘fro. 🙂 )

New skills I will have to acquire?

  1. Coping with our Ashford & Simpson dynamic duo becoming a Batman & Robin where I play Alfred Pennyworth.
  2. Monitoring my world through cries and dirty diapers instead of email and the Web.
  3. Trading in Dr. Dre for Dr. Seuss.
  4. Bathing a newborn. I hear Dustin Hoffman’s character screaming, “Hot water burn baby!” in the scene from Rain Man and imagine TB kicking me out the house.
  5. Celebrating holidays. TB and I are really bad about holidays and very grateful we have wonderful friends who do them brilliantly.

Those are the first things that popped into my head. There are lots of others. We are bringing in the big guns from the start in the form of grandmas and aunts starting with my MIL Rhon arriving tomorrow a full week before the baby is due and not a moment too soon.

As we head into the final week let’s have a Baby Stats contest.

Here is how points will be awarded:

  • Gender = 3 points
  • Syllables in first name = 5 points
  • Syllables in middle name = 7 points
  • Date of delivery = 9 points
  • Length = 11 points
  • Weight = 13 points
  • Time of birth = 15 points
  • Length of labor = 17 points

Rules:

  1. Closest numeric values win whether under or over
  2. Full points for every correct (or nearest) answer
  3. Labor starts at the point contractions have been at least 1 minute long, 5 minutes apart, for an hour and ends with delivery
  4. Entries must be submitted as a comment before labor begins
  5. One entry per person (adults only)

Prizes awarded for top 3 totals. In the event there are more than 3 ties at the top, we will award more prizes.

Dallas Cowboys release Terrell Owens

It is a sad day for me as a Dallas Cowboys fan. It is no secret I place greater emphasis on all the good T.O. brings to the teams he has played for during his career than the bad. This was as true while he was in San Francisco and Philadelphia as it was in Dallas. I think Dallas has made an enormous personnel blunder.

Call him a ball-dropping, loudmouth, cancerous, crybaby distraction but you must acknowledge he is a competitor and winner. How else do you explain over the last five seasons teams he has played on are 48-20 (.706) with him and 2-10 (.167) without him? Coincidence?

I don’t know what Jerry Jones is up to but keeping head coach Wade Phillips while cutting T.O. is a quick-and-easy recipe for missing the playoffs again next year. You don’t rebuild a winning franchise by cutting the guy who, in week 12, racked up the most franchise single-game receiving yards since 1979 while keeping the entire coaching staff after, in week 17, getting embarrassed 44-6, just missing the playoffs.

Cardinals over Cowboys? Jerry Rice is the only receiver in NFL history with more touchdown receptions than T.O. Jerry can no longer play the game but T.O. can. I hope Cowboys quarterback (Tony Romo), tight end (Jason Witten) and offensive coordinator (Jason Garrett) know who to blame when T.O.’s absence from the roster results in more team absences from the playoffs.

I hear the Arizona Cardinals bandwagon is accepting late arrivals. There is a lot to like about Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. They find ways to win while the Cowboys find ways to whine. Hmm…

Episodes in teenage hygiene

I received the following in an email from one of my college buddies today. They are actual exchanges he had with his 14-year-old stepson about personal hygiene. As a father-to-be, I find them quite funny and thought I would share. My favorite: “I soaped myself up and I’m not sure what happened after that.” All you can do is laugh after that.

“Actual Exchanges with My 14-Year-Old Stepson” by G.F.

 

A la Carte

Me: Take a shower, then you can come down and eat.

[ 2 minutes later ]

Me: Yo, your shirt is wet.

Him: Oh man…really?

Me: What happened?

Him: I just came out of the shower.

Me: That quickly?

Him: Yeah. You know the part where you stand under the water? I skipped that part.

Pepe-Le-Pew The Washcloth Fiasco

Me: Did you use her [my oldest daughter’s] washrag?

Him: Probably not.

Me: Probably? Did you or didn’t you?

Him: I don’t know. I soaped myself up and I’m not sure what happened after that.

Body wash?

Me: Did you use a washrag at all?

Him: Nah I just used the Head & Shoulders body wash.

Me: [stumped] OK.

[ Confused, I go to the bathroom ]

Me: Raymon.

Him: Yeah?

Me: What body wash did you use?

Him: That one.

Me: You mean the shampoo?

Him: Oh. I thought it was body wash.

Me: It says shampoo on it, man. (Exhibit A)

Him: Oh. I thought it was body wash.

I don’t think I was ever that bad as a teen. Any parents out there want to attest?

Winner: Name that onesie contest

The winner of the "Name that onesie contest" is: Tania. :party:

Below is the unedited photo showing the “nerd” and “turd” deciphering under the ASCII representations.

keith-custom-onesie

Tania received an Amazon gift certificate for winning.

Stay tuned for the next contest. You gotta play to win.